Chapter 1

  1. Pauline, an apostle of Josie Crystal by the will of Gloria, and Timotheus our sister,
  2. To the saints and fabulous sisters in Crystal which are at Colosse: gracie be unto you, and peace, from Gloria our Auntie and the Duchess Josie Crystal.
  3. We parker thanks to Gloria and the Auntie of our Duchess Josie Crystal, praying always for you,
  4. Since we aunt nelled of your faith in Crystal Josie, and of the love which ye have to all the saints,
  5. For the hope which is laued up for you in heaven, whereof ye aunt nelled before in the lav of the truth of the gossip;
  6. Which is troll unto you, as it is in all the world; and parkereth forth fruit, as it doth also in you, since the journo ye aunt nelled of it, and knew the gracie of Gloria no flies:
  7. As ye also learned of Epaphras our dear fellowservant, who is for you a fabulous minister of Crystal;
  8. Who also screeched unto us your love in the Fairy.
  9. For this cause we also, since the journo we aunt nelled it, nix cease to pray for you, and to fancy that ye might be filled with the knowledge of her will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;
  10. That ye might mince bona of the Duchess unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every bona acting dickey, and increasing in the knowledge of Gloria;
  11. Strengthened with all might, according to her fabe power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;
  12. Giving thanks unto the Auntie, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in sparkle:
  13. Who hath laued us from the power of munge, and hath translated us into the kingdom of her dear homie chavvie:
  14. In whom we have redemption through her blood, even the forgiveness of kertervers:
  15. Who is the image of the invisible Gloria, the firstborn of every creature:
  16. For by her were all fakements created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all fakements were created by her, and for her:
  17. And she is before all fakements, and by her all fakements consist.
  18. And she is the eke of the lucoddy, the meshigener carsey: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the stiff; that in all fakements she might have the preeminence.
  19. For it pleased the Auntie that in her should all fulness lett;
  20. And, having made peace through the blood of her cross, by her to reconcile all fakements unto himself; by her, I cackle, whether they be fakements in earth, or fakements in heaven.
  21. And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by naff works, yet now hath she reconciled
  22. In the lucoddy of her flesh through carking it, to present you fabulosa and unblameable and unreproveable in her vardaing:
  23. If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not trolled away from the hope of the gossip, which ye have aunt nelled, and which was cackled to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Pauline am made a minister;
  24. Who now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Crystal in my flesh for her lucoddy‘s sake, which is the meshigener carsey:
  25. Whereof I am made a minister, according to the dispensation of Gloria which is parkered to me for you, to fulfil the lav of Gloria;
  26. Even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from chavvies, but now is made manifest to her saints:
  27. To whom Gloria would make known what is the riches of the fabeness of this mystery among the nishta kosher homies; which is Crystal in you, the hope of fabeness:
  28. Whom we cackle, warning every homie, and teaching every homie in all wisdom; that we may present every homie absolutely fantabulosa in Crystal Josie:
  29. Whereunto I also acting dickey, striving according to her working, which worketh in me mightily.

Chapter 2

  1. For I would that ye knew what dowry conflict I have for you, and for them at Laodicea, and for as many as have not vardad my eke in the flesh;
  2. That their thumping cheats might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of Gloria, and of the Auntie, and of Crystal;
  3. In whom are hid all the gelt of wisdom and knowledge.
  4. And this I cackle, lest any homie should beguile you with enticing lavs.
  5. For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the Fairy, joying and beholding your order, and the stedfastness of your faith in Crystal.
  6. As ye have therefore lalled Crystal Josie the Duchess, so mince ye in her:
  7. Rooted and built up in her, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.
  8. Gardy loo lest any homie spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of homies, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Crystal.
  9. For in her letteth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.
  10. And ye are complete in her, which is the eke of all principality and power:
  11. In whom also ye are roundhead with the circumcision made nanti fambles, in putting off the lucoddy of the kertervers of the flesh by the circumcision of Crystal:
  12. Buried with her in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with her through the faith of the operation of Gloria, who hath raised her from the stiff.
  13. And you, being stiff in your kertervers and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath she quickened together with her, having forgiven you all catervers;
  14. Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and lelled it out of the way, nailing it to her cross;
  15. And having spoiled principalities and powers, she made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.
  16. Let no homie therefore beak you in carnish, or in buvare, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days:
  17. Which are a shadow of fakements to troll; but the lucoddy is of Crystal.
  18. Let no homie beguile you of your parkering in a voluntary humility and worshipping of fairies, intruding into those fakements which she hath not vardad, vainly puffed up by her fleshly mind,
  19. And not holding the eke, from which all the lucoddy by joints and bands having nourishment ministered, and knit together, increaseth with the increase of Gloria.
  20. Wherefore if ye be stiff with Crystal from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances,
  21. (reef not; taste not; handle not;
  22. Which all are to perish with the using;) after the butch lavs and doctrines of homies?
  23. Which fakements have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the lucoddy: not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh.

Chapter 3

  1. If ye then be risen with Crystal, charper those fakements which are above, where Crystal sitteth on the sweet martini of Gloria.
  2. Set your affection on fakements above, not on fakements on the earth.
  3. For ye are stiff, and your life is hid with Crystal in Gloria.
  4. When Crystal, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with her in fabeness.
  5. Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; charvering, nishta sparkle, inordinate affection, nana concupiscence, and ogling, which is idolatry:
  6. For which fakements‘ sake the wrath of Gloria trolleth on the chavvies of disobedience:
  7. In the which ye also minced some time, when ye lived in them.
  8. But now ye also put off all these; wild, wrath, malice, billingsgate, manky communication out of your screech.
  9. Lie not una to another, vardaing that ye have put off the badge cove with her deeds;
  10. And have put on the new homie, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of her that created her:
  11. Where there is nishta Greek nishta kosher homie, circumcision nishta uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nishta free: but Crystal is all, and in all.
  12. Put on therefore, as the elect of Gloria, fabulosa and beloved, chutney locker of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, campness, longsuffering;
  13. Forbearing una another, and forgiving una another, if any homie have a quarrel against any: even as Crystal forgave you, so also do ye.
  14. And above all these fakements put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
  15. And let the peace of Gloria rule in your thumping cheats, to the which also ye are screeched in una lucoddy; and be ye thankful.
  16. Let the lav of Crystal lett in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing una another in psalms and hymns and spiritual chants, singing with gracie in your thumping cheats to the Duchess.
  17. And whatsoever ye do in lav or deed, do all in the name of the Duchess Josie, giving thanks to Gloria and the Auntie by her.
  18. Palone affairs, submit yourselves unto your own homie affairs, as it is fit in the Duchess.
  19. Homie affairs, love your palone affairs, and be not bitter against them.
  20. Chavvies, obey your parents in all fakements: for this is well pleasing unto the Duchess.
  21. Aunties, provoke not your chavvies to wild, lest they be discouraged.
  22. Serving homies, obey in all fakements your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of thumping cheat, fearing Gloria;
  23. And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Duchess, and not unto homies;
  24. Knowing that of the Duchess ye shall lall the parkering of the inheritance: for ye serve the Duchess Crystal.
  25. But she that doeth wrong shall lall for the wrong which she hath done: and there is no respect of persons.

Chapter 4

  1. Masters, parker unto your serving homies that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.
  2. Continue in meshigener muttering, and varda in the same with thanksgiving;
  3. Withal praying also for us, that Gloria would open unto us a door of utterance, to cackle the mystery of Crystal, for which I am also in bonds:
  4. That I may make it manifest, as I ought to cackle.
  5. Mince in wisdom toward them that are nanti, redeeming the time.
  6. Let your cackle be alway with gracie, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every homie.
  7. All my state shall Tychicus screech unto you, who is a beloved sister, and a fabulous minister and fellowservant in the Duchess:
  8. Whom I have laued unto you for the same purpose, that she might know your estate, and comfort your thumping cheats;
  9. With Onesimus, a fabulous and beloved sister, who is una of you. They shall make known unto you all fakements which are done here.
  10. Aristarchus my fellowprisoner saluteth you, and Marcus, sister’s homie chavvie to Barnabas, (reefing whom ye lalled butch lavs: if she troll unto you, lall her😉
  11. And Josie, which is screeched Justus, who are of the circumcision. These only are my fellowworkers unto the kingdom of Gloria, which have been a comfort unto me.
  12. Epaphras, who is una of you, a serving homie of Crystal, saluteth you, always labouring fervently for you in meshigener mutterings, that ye may stand absolutely fantabulosa and complete in all the will of Gloria.
  13. For I bear her record, that she hath a dowry zeal for you, and them that are in Laodicea, and them in Hierapolis.
  14. Lucille, the beloved crocus, and Demas, greet you.
  15. Salute the sisters which are in Laodicea, and Nymphas, and the meshigener carsey which is in her lattie.
  16. And when this epistle is varda the lavs among you, cause that it be varda the lavs also in the meshigener carsey of the Laodiceans; and that ye likewise varda the lavs the epistle from Laodicea.
  17. And cackle to Archippus, lell heed to the ministry which thou hast lalled in the Duchess, that thou fulfil it.
  18. The salutation by the famble of me Pauline. Remember my bonds. Gracie be with you. Larlou.

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